The Heart Behind the song Second Hand Smoke

We are all broken, flawed, talented and uniquely gifted. We all have struggles, strengths, fears and dreams. This is simply the reality of the human condition. It is often said in response to life’s difficulties, It’s not supposed to be this way. And while on one hand this comment can smack of denial, I believe it is also the cry of a soul that inherently knows we were made for more than this! I am convinced this statement is the evidence of our souls longing for redemption, not just our own but for the whole of creation. We can respond to this ache in various ways; we can throw ourselves into religion falsely believing that if we can just be good enough things will go our way, we can seek to numb our pain through career, status, substance, or various other distractions, we can do what my dad did and, not wanting to be a hypocrite, simply walk away, or we can choose the most freeing and yet difficult response and surrender to the One who is bringing order to the chaos. Even as a young boy I felt an overwhelming burden for my dad. Many nights before drifting off to sleep, I would pray for him to come to a faith in Jesus. I remember wanting this so badly that I even prayed if it meant my dying to get him to have a change of heart, then that was ok. Many times throughout my life, I tried talking with dad about his spiritual condition and every time I got shut down. He was a paradox for sure, often becoming enraged when working on “a preacher’s car” and yet, at times when it was just him and me, he seemed to have a heart strangely tender toward Jesus. Both my parents’ family lineage suffered from unresolved generational struggles and my efforts to change this for my own family led to a fourteen-year estrangement. To say this was difficult is an understatement, but during those years, God graciously fathered me through a slow detox and steady healing, not only from the familial strongholds, but also the stronghold of religion. During this season the truth of 2 Corinthians 5:21 began to permeate my spirit; He made the one who did not know sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. (Christian Standard Bible) I began to understand that if Jesus became our sin on the cross, then He owns it! This truth allowed me to finally come to a place of the total surrender of the offense I had repeatedly tried but failed to release. This truth also helped me clearly see the trap of religion (trying to be good enough to earn God’s love), and this would also be the verse that would give me the words to finally share my faith with my dad. We had twenty-two months together before his passing, and the last year of his life was truly the best year dad and I had together. From the moment we reconnected, I longed to share the Jesus I had come to know with him. However, for the first twenty-one months knew I was just supposed to be present. Then, when I finally felt the nudge, I first acknowledged that his desire to not be a hypocrite was admirable. I then shared how I had witnessed him being wounded repeatedly by the religion created in the Name of Jesus, and how inconsistent this religious version was from the true Christ. And then, I shared 2 Corinthians 5:21, assuring him that no one can be good enough on our own and that truth is the whole point of the Gospel: that Jesus is our good enough because He was willing to become everything that separates us from God. I shared that our only part in this is the simple acceptance of and surrender to the One who has given everything so that we can be reconciled unto Him. It was about six weeks later, nineteen hours before he passed, that dad asked me to pray with him to received Jesus. Releasing the darkness of his sin for the purity of Jesus’ sacrifice. This understanding, not only led to the writing of many of the songs on the new Cause and Effect project, but also to the cover art I saw in my mind’s eye and Eric Shawver so beautifully created! I am thankful for those who have come along side me to make this project a reality, from my wife Lisa, to the FFB and all the friends who recorded, produced, mixed, mastered, designed, and supported it financially! You each were an essential part in making this project a reality! I am blessed beyond measure, and I hope these songs will stir your soul and where ever you are in your faith journey, they will draw you closer to Jesus.

Tom